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I have been watching a fair amount of movies lately, most on VCD (cheap DVD) and they are all very funny, even the serious ones. Not always because of the movie itself but because of the things that happen to them here in Indonesia.

A pirated VCD has normally been recorded secretly in the cinema so you get all the coughing, the sounds of people eating popcorn or crisps and people walking in front of the camera because they want to go to the toilets, for free. An original legal VCD does not have all this animation but does give similar pleasure in the subtitles as the pirated versions.

I believe that English movies in Indonesia are translated by a first year student of English or maybe even someone who is has just applied to study English. The rules are the following: Translate as much as you can, translate all names phonetically, and whatever you do not understand, you either guess or don't translate it at all.

The result of these practices: actors have a different name in every scene which results in schizophrenic actors in almost all movies. Sentences that are not clear to the translator are just not translated and sometimes you see a 5-minute conversation translated into three Indonesian sentences.

Other unknown words are just guessed at. so it is possible that they write Bobo instead of Volvo or Black Nible instead of Black Label.There is also censorship, depending on the film. It is possible that they start cutting when two pairs of lips might possibly have the intention to end up in a kiss. It depends on the television channel, if movies are or are not cut, some cut a little, and some cut a lot.

Even though movies on VCD are normally not censured, it is always a surprise what they will and will not show you. If in the cinema during a movie, you see a kissing couple with all the buttons still closed . . . you hear the people around you shifting left and right on their chair, coughing and even giggling.

Last week, I bought a VCD of an English concert with various artists performing, called Wicked Woman. On this VCD, Robbie Williams sings 'Let me entertain you' and I enclose the subtitles as given on the VCD and the correct lyrics of the song. No more comment necessary . . .

Robbie Williams
Let Me Entertain You
Indonesian interpretation
Original lyrics
For hells is gonna happen here
Hell is gone and heaven's here
But nothing worth for you to fear
There's nothing left for you to fear
Shake your ass common' here
Shake your ass come over here
and I scream
Now scream
Well I'm burning up all the chill
I'm a burning effigy
I'm everything than I used to be
Of everything I used to be
You're my rockin'bon a petit, my dear
You're my rock of empathy, my dear
Let me entertain you
So come on let me entertain you
I say let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Well I'd like to shock you to die
Life's too short for you to die
Congratulate yourself with alibi
So grab yourself an alibi
Kind of punk with proper rhyme
Heaven knows your mother lied
....
Mon cher
Well civil right from wrong
Separate your right from wrongs
Compensate it to the song bon shell
Come and sing a different song
The cattle say that don't belong
The kettle's on so don't be long
...
Mon cher
Let me entertain you
So come on let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Well, waking up at the other pages
Look me up in the yellow pages
You won't be rock in egypt
I will be your rock of ages
Tv and passangers and crazy spaces
Your see through fads and your crazy phases
Well let the people toss the ship
Little Bo Peep has lost his sheep
Pop the bill and fall to sleep
He popped a pill and fell asleep
Jewish is red but the grass is sweet ..
The dew is wet but the grass is sweet my dear
Your back is burn
Your mind gets burned
to the heaven you won't
With the habits you've learned
the weather channel generations got to be us
But we're the generation that's got to be heard
The title of your teacher and your school to drag
You're tired of your teachers and your school's a drag
You lack of answer like I want them
You're not going to end up like your mum and dad
Let me entertain you you gotta you gotta
So come on let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Let me entertain you
Well he might be good he might be all out and inside
He may be good he may be outta sight
He can be here so common' round tonight
But he can't be here so come around tonight
There's always a place but the feeling grouse
Here is the place where the feeling grows
You gotta get hot before you taste them all
You gotta get high before you taste the lows
So come on
So come on
etc
etc

© Gaby Schilders

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