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You Know You've Been in Indonesia Too Long If ...

When after every sentence you say ... Iyaaahh!
You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn't have paved them.
You can drive 60 km/h two inches from cars on either side of you, but cannot back into a parking space in an empty lot without two guys yelling “Kiri…Kiri Terus, Terus, Terus…”
You can kill cockroaches with your bare feet
The footprints on the toilet seat are your own
You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue
You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day
You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift
It has become exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anybody else can get off
You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometer of at home
It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting
You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “up to you mister”
You no longer wonder how someone making US$200 per month can drive a Mercedes
You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue
You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car
You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is broken and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed
You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach
You think the Proton and Kijang are stylish and well built cars
You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate
You answer the telephone with “Hello” more than 2 times
You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu
A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine
You believe everything you read in the local newspaper
You regard traffic signals, stop signs and copy watch peddlers with ignorance
If when listening to the pilot prove he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the Air Traffic Controllers
You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different
You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb
You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge for same day service
Taxi drivers understand you
You own a rice cooker
Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world
You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants
When crossing a busy street you believe that a limp wrist motion with your right arm creates a force field that repels oncoming traffic
Suitable family entertainment for Friday night is to dress the whole family in dark clothing and dash back and forth across Jalan Sudirman and other busy streets
You think it's logical to dry your hands with Kleenex
When dining with your family at a mexican restaurant, the table next to you is occupied by an overweight, bald, fifty-something Australian petroleum worker who has each of his arms around a teenaged Sundanese girl
While at an indonesian night spot you listen to the FEMALE singer singing Honky Tonk Woman, and she appears to be unaware that she just sang the line “I met a gin-soaked bar-room queen in Memphis, she tried to take me upstairs for the ride ...”
You find that you are now depraved enough that you just spent a minute or two visualizing the female singer mentioned above going upstairs with the gin-soaked bar-room queen
You find yourself getting upset with inflation because the price of the buffet in a five-star hotel is now nearly ten dollars
Going out for a drink with your coworker, he shows up with his girlfriend, even though you are on a first name basis with his wife
Someone tells you that 10 kbs is a pretty good download speed
There is no discount for what is clearly a demo model
A gaggle of teenage girls swoon as you walk by
The cute looking girls in Singapore seemingly pay you no notice whatsoever
You find yourself looking at a photo of Demi Moore in a half naked pose and find yourself thinking that she looks rather unfeminine and unattractive
McDonald's is out of hamburgers and KFCs is out of chicken
You ask a person taking your order, “Do you have cheeseburgers?” and the server responds, “Yes, we do.” And so you say, “OK, I'll order a cheeseburger.” And the server says, “I'm sorry, we're out of cheeseburgers.”
You can walk into a five-star hotel lobby unshaven, in jogging shorts, ratty t-shirt and flip-flops and DON'T get an awkward glance from the management.
A bathroom with four attendants is so disgustingly filthy that you wouldn't step into it back home ... and one of those attendants sole job is to hand you flimsy, single-ply toilet paper to dry your hands.
You look left, right, backwards, forwards, up and down before crossing a one way street.
You reach for a baseball bat every time Joshua appears on TV (approx. every three minutes)
Your main source of entertainment is the JP letters page
You've seen every hollywood blockbuster three weeks before its premier
You know at least fifty anachronisms
You sing along with the Dancow adverts on TV
You drink tap water (don't do this at home kids)
You know most of the characters in the sinetrons
You ARE one of the characters in the sinetrons
You pick your nose in public
You start to pronounce 'the' as 'de'
You take a book to read on the journey to work ( thank you for that one Mr Cook)
You carry tissues in your pocket for 'emergency stops' (or spare socks, thanks again Dave)
You answer the phone in Bahasa Indonesia
You consider an 18 year old getting on a bit (Dee's place door policy)
Your current girlfriend is younger than your daughter
The term "Blok M" starts sounding like a glittering venue for shopping and nightlife rather than part of a concentration camp
The blowpipe salesmen stop trying to sell you a blowpipe
The titles "Mr. Bob" and "Miss Barbara" begin to sound normal to you
You stop wondering why the concept of turning lanes never occurred to traffic engineers in Jakarta
You stop wondering if the concept of traffic engineers ever occurred to anyone in Jakarta
Someone says they are "going to go to Slipi," and you don't think they are using baby talk
You find a fly in your Bintang, and you fish the fly out with a spoon and drink it anyway
You find a fly in your Bintang, and you drink it fly and all. (That's how you know you have really been in Indonesia too long).
you make at least two visits a day to a coffee shop when you're in the mall
you are no longer confused when you are asked if you want some 'beep bacon' (beef bacon) with your eggs.

and if ... YOU UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE ABOVE REFERENCES!

Built on an original version (source unknown) with updates by MS and other Expat Forum contributors. If you have additional points to contribute based on your LOOONNNGGG experience in Indonesia, we'd love to hear them, just contact us.

You know you're a Jakartan when