Aida Speaks Out

Have You Seen My G-spots Lately?

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I think homo sapiens are mostly composed of tiny molecules called greed.

Greed seems to be the motivation behind the effort exerted by mankind to improve their condition. Greed molecules, which I refer to as G-spots, actually can be easily found throughout the human body, contrary to most people’s belief that their whereabouts is covered in riddles..

G-spots inhabit people’s heads, their hearts, and genitals, not to mention the rear side of the body that unfortunately often suffers from the acts of greed itself (e.g., one of the effects of consuming too much of an arse-kicking hot Indian curry).

But these G-spots wear so many different coats. And since we, homo sapiens, have a limited capacity to translate the need into language, we can only say “I want more!” to relay the greedy message. A baby’s first word is often ‘more’, and funnily, a grown ups’ last word is also often ‘more’, as in ‘satu lagi’. The neighbour’s grass is always greener, people say. Or their Jag is a later series, or his wife’s appendages have a bit more silicone, or their dog would kill ours and ours would choke on it, or whatever. What is clear is that people are not easily pleased. We always want more than what we already have.

Greed originates from three major sources. One is greed from a positive source, for example: ‘I want to work harder so I can get more bonuses. I’ll use the bonus to buy my wife the Bvlgari earrings that she always wanted’. Of course, if the bonus is going to be used to buy a set of golf clubs or spent on one night of beer gulping, this would be categorized as negative greed.

Examples of absolutely negative greed are too much eating and drinking, or the need to get laid with every chick in a skirt after you have been overindulging in drink or food. To sleep with your beer-gutted boss to get a job promotion is also categorized as negative greed, not an act of feminism or emancipation, by the way. The last source of greed, but not the least, happens to be my favourite one. It falls in the grey area, or the confused source as it’s not clear whether it belongs to heaven or hell. Most of the time this particular ‘grey area greed’ is driven by curiosity or simply insanity.

The greed in most females is probably represented by their eagerness to enhance their femininity – to have bigger boobs, smoother skin (as in no more hairy upper lips, hairy underarms or orange peel type skin). That’s why I think that I must have suffered major brain damage when I was younger.

But I think my parents finally exhaled their held breath when they found out that I didn’t want anything as elaborate as breast enlargement, cheek bone reconstruction or nipple rings. Until now, my dad can’t figure out why I wanted to have the Woodie Allen look – was there anything wrong with that?

At the time I was twenty something and was still studying. I was a perfectly healthy young lass with big brownish black eyes, which have always been my best physical asset. So don’t ask me why I f*cked up my perfectly healthy eyes by wearing a pair of magnifying glass style eyeglasses most of the time. No more drink for this woman!

No seriously, I was literally sick of being viewed as a brainless bimbo by my classmates. They simply thought that all the not-so-ugly voluptuous girls were doomed to be sex objects for life. You don’t need to study hard babe, just tend your carpet burns and roll over.

Believe me, the eyeglasses worked. My mostly male classmates and even my follicle-ly challenged statistics teacher looked at me with different meaning after I donned my Austin ‘Shag Me Baby’ power glasses. They gave a look of twisted respect towards a pitiful girl. They somehow also looked disturbed, as if the glasses ruined whatever fantasy they had about me before (they probably came to their senses that my ears could be used to hold eyeglasses as well!). It was the story of my feminine grey greed and my desire to look like a dork.

Nowadays, here in our full of life, though always smoky, metropolitan city, the negative, positive and the greed in between have gotten all mixed up so that the greed itself has somehow lost its roots. Greed is reflected by everyone, in every dusty nook and cranny. It glistens in the eyes of an old guy with a girl a third of his age sitting on his lap in a karaoke bar. It sounds ‘holier than thou’ when it comes out from people working in government justice and protection offices.

Greed may look very patriotic when it’s carried out by the members of the country’s House of Representatives. And greed can sound even pitiful when it comes from the mouth of a kid who knocks on your car’s window at the traffic light; he begs for some coins for his education, temporarily forgetting that he’ll actually use the money to buy more glue to sniff.

What kind of greed do you represent?

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